I was talking with a coworker who as asking questions about some of my behaviors, and then it dawned on me that I really do love my Aspie mind and the super-powers it gives me. I think I’ve been blessed.
Do You Love Someone With Depression?
If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.
Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.
1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)
2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.
3.Get them outside.
The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here. For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.
4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.
5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.
6. Hug them.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.
7. Laugh with them.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.
9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.
A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”
10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.
(via The Darling Bakers)
More people need to know this.This is so incredibly important. I’ve seen people with depression ostracized so many times, and I cannot stress how much it means to each and every person I’ve tried to reach out to after whatever “falling-outs” they’ve had due to depression. Remember to always be compassionate and kind to all friends like this, because you never know what they’re going through.
Please keep this circulating. Cops are getting more and more brazen, know your rights!
good to know
my brother is a police officer and these are all v true and things he made sure i knew but also remember the police can lie lie lie. the best thing, as mentioned, is to yell “i do not consent” repeatedly and hope someone will hear and act as an eyewitness for you
this is super important and we need to circulate this especially with the upcoming chicago raid ?? we need to do everything we can to protect possible victims of police brutality and hate crimes. it is not okay to break the law that goes for the people being arrested and the people arresting. stay safe.
this is important! signal boost!
Reblogging this here because I have met very few adults with #Aspergers who have not had some kind of altercation with police. Our blank faces, inconsistent eye contact, tendency to laugh when in disbelief, hyper-reactivity to threat, and unconventional emotional responses usually trip what police are trained to see as suspicious behaviour and/or defiant behaviour. Even a simple traffic stop can quickly go wrong if an officer misinterprets Aspie behaviour. We just aren’t taught any scripts for talking to police, so information like this might prove very necessary for someone.
Scientists discover most relaxing tune ever
Sound therapists and Manchester band Marconi Union compiled the song. Scientists played it to 40 women and found it to be more effective at helping them relax than songs by Enya, Mozart and Coldplay.
Weightless works by using specific rhythms, tones, frequencies and intervals to relax the listener. A continuous rhythm of 60 BPM causes the brainwaves and heart rate to synchronise with the rhythm: a process known as ‘entrainment’. Low underlying bass tones relax the listener and a low whooshing sound with a trance-like quality takes the listener into an even deeper state of calm.
Dr David Lewis, one of the UK’s leading stress specialists said: “‘Weightless’ induced the greatest relaxation – higher than any of the other music tested. Brain imaging studies have shown that music works at a very deep level within the brain, stimulating not only those regions responsible for processing sound but also ones associated with emotions.”
The study - commissioned by bubble bath and shower gel firm Radox Spa - found the song was even more relaxing than a massage, walk or cup of tea. So relaxing is the tune, apparently, that people are being Rex advised against listening to it while driving.
The top 10 most relaxing tunes were: 1. Marconi Union - Weightless 2. Airstream - Electra 3. DJ Shah - Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix) 4. Enya - Watermark 5. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing 6. Barcelona - Please Don’t Go 7. All Saints - Pure Shores 8. AdelevSomeone Like You 9. Mozart - Canzonetta Sull’aria 10. Cafe Del Mar - We Can Fly
my muscles stopped functioning
I was so relieved this wasn’t a trick. Very soothing.
THIS IS IT, GUYS. This is the song I listen to when I’m feel a panic attack coming on or can’t sleep because of my anxiety. It has helped me more times than I can say.
Reblogging for my followers. Not only is this effective in itself, there’s a lovely playlist to compile, for everyone who likes scavenger hunts :)
truebluemeandyou: How to Answer the Top 35 Asked Interview Questions. Reblogging one of my most popular posts with clearer images. Go to the link for the highest resolution.
How to Answer the Top 35 Asked Interview Questions from The Undercover Recruiter here. Posted for friends looking for jobs this summer. Unfortunately you may also be asked illegal questions and these are two pretty good articles here and here.
I ask 1, 2, 7, 18/32, and 31 out of these. (And if need be, 3, 11, and 12). All I can say is that the answers are pretty spot on.
Most of these, I have not received in Alberta for the past 15 years. Targeted Selection and Behaviour Based Interview questions have superseded these - and looking at this, one can understand why, as they’re much harder to fake your way through. Still, this is still relevant and gives insight into what Neuro-Typical interviewers are looking for with some kinds of questions. As we can see, quite often, they’re looking for a social - based answer to a question that seems to us to be task - based. Since most people with Asperger’s are task - based thinkers, we tend to miss that and thus give “wrong” answers that the NT interviewer concludes are “not a good fit”
These are from a wonderful book called The Art Of Comforting. Check it out and learn how to be better at supporting people going through difficult things.
When you’re dealing with #depression, it can be challenging to see it objectively, as a problem to be worked around, but people with #Aspergers are often pretty good at finding solutions. So when depressed #Aspies focus on coping strategies, they can come up with some pretty neat ideas. This one comes from practicingkolinahr, who gave permission for me to publish it here.
I wanted to share with you another potential method for helping to stay positive and get through tough times which has worked really well for me. At the end of each day (or sometimes the next day, depending on time), I make a list of all the good things that happened that day. Happy moments, accomplishments, etc. I keep them on one of my tumblr blogs (practicingkolinahr).
Making lists like this forces me to spend a few extra moments thinking about the good things that happen. I’m not allowed to write anything negative on these posts. Even if all I can think of is “I survived today,” I write that. No complaining allowed. If I got through a difficult day, I put the emphasis on getting through it, without any details about why the day was difficult. I allow myself to discuss, vent, and think about problems and negative feelings in other places, but these posts are exclusively for Good Things. And later, when I go back and read them, I’m always surprised to realize I usually don’t even remember the bad things that happened those days. I remember the things I wrote down. And whenever I start my list, I’m always surprised to realize how long the list really is. It’s so easy to miss all the little good things until you really force yourself to think about them.
This may not work for everyone, but it has helped me a lot. Combining it with Habit RPG should be even better. And posting my accomplishments on tumblr (rather than just writing them in a book or something) also gets me the occasional “like,” which is a quick happy feeling as well.
Be sure to check out practicingkolinahr to see her method in action!